I Nearly Died in the Wilderness

Birthdays have a way of making you reflect on your life. The bigger the number, the fewer birthdays are left to have in the future. This week, I thought that with how close Jesus’s return is, this very well could be the last one I celebrate. If so, what would I want to share as my most important lesson in life?

Ten years ago, I nearly died in the wilderness. Every year, I read through Moses’ account of the Hebrews journeying to the Promised Land. A decade ago, the story resembled my life. I felt like my Christian life was going in circles, lost in the wilderness. Much like God’s children, I did more complaining than thanking Him for rescuing me from my old life. Also like them, my heart was bitter. The life I envisioned did not at all resemble the reality of what was. If God was in control, I did not like where He led me, what He gave me, or where He was going. I wanted off the journey!

Sadly, I considered walking away from Him, my church, even my life. Suicidal ideation was part of my thinking at that time. That is the sad reality of bitterness: Satan uses it as a foothold for oppressive and intrusive thoughts. He takes full advantage of kicking us when we are down. But Jesus….He always goes after the one wandering away from the ninety-nine. For that, I am so thankful.

Ten years later, I have a much different Christianity than the one I proclaimed for the previous twenty years. My notions of a prosperity gospel went out the window. Instead, I had the opportunity to learn how to have a sweet, daily friendship with God. It was no longer about checking off the boxes of the Christian life: church ✔️, Bible Reading ✔️, Prayer ✔️, Ministry ✔️. Bible reading became personal as the Holy Spirit counseled my wounded heart. Prayer became a peaceful place of gratitude, reflection, and conversation with my Friend, Jesus. Church and ministry became an opportunity to pour out the love and mercy God had so generously poured out on me. In a nutshell, God used that time to make my relationship with Him deeper and more sustainable. It became sweet water at the bitter stream of Marah.

If you are currently lost in a similar wilderness, may I encourage you not to quit church, Bible reading, prayer, or, most especially, life. Looking back, I can see how God used that season to purify a lot of false theology out of my thinking. He will lead all of His children through such a season. Unfortunately, for most of the children of Israel on that long-ago journey, their refusal to yield to God’s control led to their death in the wilderness. Jesus, however, is out there searching even now for those who may be wandering in the dark, weary places. His call still cries, “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30 If the hardest season of your life draws you to His voice, it will become the greatest memory of all.

As always, please feel free to reach out if you are journeying through a hard season. There is no better prayer warrior than one who has dug out the same trenches and walked through similar battles. Blessings, my friends.

Erica B.