Engaging Difficult People Biblically

After teaching teenagers since August, I jokingly told my Costco checker that I am nearly strong enough to work retail at Christmastime. He laughed with an eyebrow raised that implied his uncertainty at my readiness. Since I have never worked retail and he has never taught middle school and high school students, we might both be at a loss to understand the frustrations involved in either scenario.

The reality is that most jobs come with various stressors and difficult people. Occasionally, the difficult person lives in your home or is a family member you must interact with regularly. Though we cannot control how others act, we can control our responses. Those responses could escalate the situation or bring some resolution.

Difficult people present an opportunity to practice the core of Christ’s teachings. It is like intentionally going to the gym for strength training, as we discipline ourselves to respond wisely to those who seem bent on opposing everything we say or do. In every scenario, when we respond kindly to someone emotionally out of sorts, it will often make them question why we are not responding in kind. It can be convicting to them because they recognize their sinful responses. Our consistently loving relationship cannot help but cause them to rethink their behavior.

However, this kind of response does not come naturally to us. Our DNA is laced with sin. Sin demands its rights and its way every time. The only way to overcome this natural pattern is with God’s help. His Word renews our mind, equipping it with His knowledge and strength to obey. His Spirit at work in our lives guides us in His ways if we yield to Him.

As I prayed for help with my responses, the Lord brought an acrostic to mind: RISE. Too often, Christians think the way to peace is to just avoid the person or let them have their way. Or perhaps, they let it go for a while until finally blowing up in anger. Neither of these scenarios glorifies God. The word RISE implies something purposeful. It implies strength. It takes away the implication of victimhood and embraces the opportunity at hand.

R stands for REMEMBER. Remind yourself of God’s patience and mercy in your life. Ephesians 2:4-9

But God, who is rich in mercy, for his great love wherewith he loved us, Even when we were dead in sins, hath quickened us together with Christ, (by grace ye are saved;) And hath raised us up together, and made us sit together in heavenly places in Christ Jesus: That in the ages to come he might shew the exceeding riches of his grace in his kindness toward us through Christ Jesus. For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them.

I stands for INTERCEDE. There is a reason Jesus taught his followers to pray for their enemies. It removes the ripe soil of bitterness and anger. When we pray for others as we would want to be prayed for if the roles were reversed, we overcome the desire for vengeance.

Matthew 5:44-48

Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust. For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same? And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so? Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.

S stands for SPEAK. Speak up at an appropriate time because lovingly reproving others is often in order. “Your words are not kind. Why is it okay for you to speak to me that way?” We must communicate to those who mistreat us so that they understand it is not acceptable.

Ephesians 4:14-16

That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive; But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ: From whom the whole body fitly joined together and compacted by that which every joint supplieth, according to the effectual working in the measure of every part, maketh increase of the body unto the edifying of itself in love.

E, the final letter, stands for ENGAGE. We must engage God’s grace if we are to consistently respond righteously. We need God’s help.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.

I hope that this might be as helpful to someone else as it is to me. Please hit the like button at the bottom of this page if it is. As always, I appreciate any thoughts you might have to add to mine. Have a blessed weekend, friends!