Grieve the Thorns

In my mind, I can still picture the room in the far corner of my heart stuffed to the brim with the pain and sorrow of undealt with hurts. Anytime a new grief would surface, it would be shoved back into that room, sometimes with great difficulty. Until the door just would not shut anymore, and Jesus stood next to it, patiently waiting for me to be ready to deal with it all. I do not think I am the only woman who has ever dealt with this kind of storage closet of emotions within the recesses of her heart. In fact, I know I am not.

The question comes in a variety of ways.

How can I forgive this person who hurt me so deeply?

How can I love this family member who continues to inflict pain into my life?

How do I get over what I cannot get over?

The crux of a hurting heart is the question, “God, how do I deal with this hurt that I do not want in my life?”

We want to be good Christians, spouses, parents, siblings, children, and church attendees. The immediate answer that comes to mind is to choose love, choose forgiveness, and be kind even when the other person is unkind. Those are all Bible answers that are true, but in the moment, when the heart does not agree with what the head knows, it can feel impossible.

One response to those painful places could be to bury them deep in the recesses of our hearts and pretend they are gone like I did. When they call out to remind us that they are still there, we may try to drown them out with work, or saying “yes” to every ministry, or binge-watching, endless scrolling, or, at worst, an addiction that covers the noise temporarily.

The Bible never buries sorrow under rainbows and happy faces, however. If there is a season to investigate the suffering in this world, it is at Easter time. Jesus suffered the worst brokenness that the fallen world had to offer. We get a glimpse of His deep sorrow in the Garden of Gethsemane as He grieved the separation from His Father He was destined to enter. He did not skip to the good part and cheer Himself with the hope of the resurrection. He did not speak Scriptures over His sorrow that reminded Him that all things would work together for good. No, Jesus wept with sweat like great drops of blood upon His brow. He faced the sorrow head-on in a lament that even His disciples could not alleviate. This is what His lament teaches the sufferer in their own broken places: we must grieve the thorns of life.

What is a lament? In Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy, the author describes lament as “the honest cry of a hurting heart wrestling with the paradox of pain and the promise of God’s goodness.” He then goes on to describe the pattern of Biblical lament. They usually “include four key elements: an address to God, a complaint, a request, and an expression of trust or praise.” (Vroegop, 26 &29)

A few examples of lament in the Psalms are chapters 10, 13, and 77. Lamentations 3 is also a powerful lament, as the author cries out to God, pours out his complaint, requests God’s intervention, and then declares his trust in God. True Biblical lament can only happen, however, when the sufferer trusts God to redeem the sorrow. Lament reorients the suffering one back to the only One who can offer the help, strength, and purpose to go on in life’s journey. In Jesus’s lament in the Garden of Gethsemane, the unshakeable trust He had in His Father led Him to say, “Nevertheless, not My will, but Thine be done.” This is what lament does for the suffering heart.

Does Biblical lament solve all the problems of life? No, it is only the first step, as it begins to use sorrow as a stepping stone toward hope, rather than continuing to be crushed and bruised by it.

And here are some reminders in Scripture that you are never alone. Jesus knows. He sees. He cares. He weeps with you.

Nevertheless I am continually with thee:
thou hast holden me by my right hand.
Thou shalt guide me with thy counsel,
and afterward receive me to glory.
Whom have I in heaven but thee?
and there is none upon earth that I desire beside thee.
My flesh and my heart faileth:
but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever. Psalm 73:23-26

He is despised and rejected of men;
a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief:
and we hid as it were our faces from him;
he was despised, and we esteemed him not.
Surely he hath borne our griefs,
and carried our sorrows:
yet we did esteem him stricken,
smitten of God, and afflicted.
But he was wounded for our transgressions,
he was bruised for our iniquities:
the chastisement of our peace was upon him;
and with his stripes we are healed. Isaiah 53:3-6

Remembering mine affliction and my misery, the wormwood and the gall.
My soul hath them still in remembrance, and is humbled in me.
This I recall to my mind, therefore have I hope.
It is of the Lord’s mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not.
They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.
The Lord is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in him.
The Lord is good unto them that wait for him, to the soul that seeketh him.
It is good that a man should both hope and quietly wait for the salvation of the Lord. Lamentations 3:19-26

When my father and my mother forsake me,
then the Lord will take me up. Psalm 27:10

For thy Maker is thine husband;
the Lord of hosts is his name;
and thy Redeemer the Holy One of Israel; The God of the whole earth shall he be called.
For the Lord hath called thee as a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit,
and a wife of youth, when thou wast refused, saith thy God. Isaiah 54:5-6 (written to Israel, yet so comforting to all believers, for this is the merciful, faithful God we serve!)

When Jesus therefore saw her weeping, and the Jews also weeping which came with her, he groaned in the spirit, and was troubled, And said, Where have ye laid him? They said unto him, Lord, come and see. Jesus wept. John 11:33-35

Acknowledging the curse of sin and the pain it brings is necessary for spiritual growth. There are things in this life that are not what they should be. When those things are part of our lives, we must reconcile the reality with the expectations we had. In the next post, we will narrow our gaze to the relationship between expectations and disappointment, and how to realign those expectations back to God alone.

Praying this is a blessing and a help. Please message me with any thoughts or questions you may have!

Erica B.