Free From Shame

Shame is a topic of many parenting classes, and rightly so. Very few children grew up in a home where shame and guilt were not used as parenting tools.

“How could you be so stupid?”

“Why can’t you be more like your sister?”

“You are such a little idiot.”

Whether it is called tough love parenting or recycled parenting (“that’s how I was raised and I turned out just fine.”), shame-based parenting is not Biblical. Here are a few verses from the Book of Proverbs about the words we speak:

Proverbs 16:21– The wise in heart shall be called prudent:
and the sweetness of the lips increaseth learning.

Proverbs 16:23-24– The heart of the wise teacheth his mouth,
and addeth learning to his lips. Pleasant words are as an honeycomb,
sweet to the soul, and health to the bones.

Proverbs 18:21–Death and life are in the power of the tongue:
and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.

Proverbs 15:4– A wholesome tongue is a tree of life:
but perverseness therein is a breach in the spirit.

Did you note the emphasis on how words create life or death?

Children do not come out of the womb knowing much of anything. It is a parent’s role to teach them how to behave properly, how to hold their milk glass properly, how to clean up said milk glass when it spills, etc. They must be given room to make mistakes, and instruction on how to address the situation when they do.

Unfortunately, shame is not relegated only to children and parenting.

Many women have a negative inner voice that keeps them drowning in shame. “If you were not so stupid, you…” “If you could just lose a few more pounds, then…” “You will never be smart enough, good enough, disciplined enough….” 

As I have read through the Gospels recently, I scoured the pages for the way Jesus spoke to people. When the woman at the well told Jesus she didn’t have a husband, he gently pointed out that she had five husbands and that she was currently living with one who was not her husband. Even though He knew the most shameful thing about her, He offered her living water and the ability to worship God in spirit and in truth.

When the religious people dragged a woman caught in adultery before Jesus, He gave those who had no sin the opportunity to throw the first stone. Having no takers, He then told her that He did not condemn her either, and to “go and sin no more.”

To the woman who boldly, yet secretly, reached for the hem of His garment after suffering twelve years with an illness that made her a social outcast, Jesus commended her faith and called her “Daughter.”

What freed these women from a cycle of shame?

An encounter with Jesus.

What makes Jesus’s voice louder than past sins, past hurt, past abandonment, or any other reason that brings shame to the forefront of every decision?

HIS WORDS OF TRUTH.

 Psalm 139 and Ephesians 1 are great passages to go to for who Jesus says you are.

But if you just try to apply the words, “Chosen, Adopted, Redeemed, Loved, or Accepted” without letting Jesus clean out the shameful places in your heart, you will never be free of them.

That is the funny thing about shame. It may have started with someone else’s wrong against you, but it gets wrapped up in the way you responded to that wrong.

A parent’s hurtful words or behavior tightly weaves itself into bitter unforgiveness.

An innocent child’s molestation gets wrapped up in feelings of guilt that are not hers to bear.

A deep hurt from long ago still feels fresh and leads to lashing out to loved ones today.

A past sin results in distance with God, rather than running back into His waiting arms.

Jesus knows all of it. He knows how people you loved sinned against you. He knows the sinful things you did in response. He saw the ways you loved instead of retaliating. He knows every shameful thing you have ever tried to hide.

And His blood is powerful enough to cover all of the shame, all of the hurt, all of the bitterness, all of the unforgiveness, all of the pain, all of it.

He can make you free.

Jesus never shames. He only speaks life, forgiveness, hope, mercy, and freedom.

If the voice of shame keeps drowning out His Words of life, it may be time to confront where that voice is coming from, open the door, and let Jesus cast it out for good. It does not belong in your life anymore.

The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.

–Jesus

Friend, if the voice of shame is keeping you from abundant life, it’s time to be free. Don’t you agree?

Praying for you all. Have a wonderful weekend, and as always, feel free to message me with any thoughts, comments, or questions.